Four times a week I see this wonderful teenager that I’ll just call AZ. She’s my tutee for more than a year now. We’ve been through a myriad of crying moments when she finds it hard to understand things and when she feels like giving up doing what she hates the most…studying.

And that is the exact reason why I can’t let her go, I tried to but it was a hell, deciding whether to stay with her or have more time for myself and knowing that she might find it harder to survive school without my help if I do so.

And God just solved this dilemma in whatever ways I couldn’t explicate. All I know is that I woke up one day and realized that I need to stay with her.

I can’t say that all the days we sit together are fine. Solving odious math problems, reviewing for her quizzes or just chatting around about her family, my work, our friends, or whatever it is, just having fun are the things we do. Sometimes, I want to give up and just tell her I really find it hard to endure the weariness, but just seeing her smile or cry in front of me, I just realize that I am the one who could give more, and I have no reason at all to whine.

I treat her as my sister, the same way she treats me. We never called ourselves teacher-student names because we know that our relationship surpasses that level.

In 2009, I have plans and one of them is to continue my schooling. I know that means giving up my tutorials, and I just can’t imagine the day that I would tell it to her. It will truly break my heart.

Anyways, last night she asked me to read her assignment in religion. Her teacher asked her to make a poem about God and this is what she wrote. After I read this, I was really proud of her because I am seeing a better her.

I wish someday you can read this Andy. I really love you so much.

My Little Prayer

By: AZ

One rainy day

I found my self kneeling on my bed to pray

This is what I say

Dear God

First of all You are the best

And the greatest God You are among the rest

There is no one like You because I truly love You

As days pass by I no longer cry

Thank you for your happiness

My tears are miles away

Because I am in a better place

Where friendship has come my way

My troubles and my sadness has found me no more

I’m walking through a different door

I know You have reasons

A reason for my life

And for my tears during those last few years

To make me better and stronger person

That will have less fears

And as life goes on

More troubles will come

And decisions we have to make

As our journey take place

In this world You made

Thank You for this humungous family I have

And that we are close most of all

And all the fun times I have with them

They are there when I fall

They may be weird when they are hyper

But I never get bored

And I love them all

Thank You for all the things You’ve done for me

And all the things and blessings You’ve given me

This is my little prayer for You from me

Last of all thank You for taking care of me

IN and OUT

IN
Christmas list/ Divisoria
high school and college reunions
new cellphone on the way
a new house and lot under my name
2 more weeks before 2nd trimester ends
Wordlab Alabang Christmas party
attending Community again
Winning the Amazing Grace 2!!
Christmas Gifts
seeing my half-brothers and daddy

OUT
tight Christmas budget
arranging class reunions
not seeing my kids in one month
monthly due for the house
additional pounds on Holidays

My Savior
November 11, 2007
By: phnas

Don’t give up on me
I need you so badly
You are the only one
Who can take out the pain in me

CHORUS:
Please stay beside me
Forever if you could
Coz I’m not safe without you
You’re the one that guides me through
Keep your caring arms around me
Coz with you my world isn’t blue

People may come and go
They may love or hurt me so
But I don’t worry if these happen
Coz there’ll be a hand to catch me when I fall

CHORUS:

I may no longer see you
To hug you tight
And cry beside you
To tell you all the worries I have inside

But I just look at the sky
Knowing that you’ll see me
Your love keeps me alive
But wherever you are….

CHORUS:

Please stay beside me
Forever if you could
Coz I’m not safe without you
Coz with you my world isn’t blue

Letting go...

The hardest of part of loving someone or liking someone is the fact that there’ll come a time that you have to let go of the person and the feelings. It sucks! One of the disgusting feelings I don’t want to experience, if I have an option.

Many times I’ve done this, but it’s still hurtful and frustrating. I find it somehow unfair why I have to understand things like this. But sabi nga ni God, “trust in Him make things easier to understand”. So maybe, I am not yet giving Him my full trust.

I want to live the kind of days where I won’t worry about the things I gain, I lose, I give up and I let go. And I will just be happy, contented and be more grateful to accept what and who He gives to me.

I came across this book last night (thanks to beepsie...), and i just want to share some words from it.

Excerpt form the book : Ten Eternal Questions

Question: What has life taught you so far?

By Jools Holland

…although I learn all the time, I don\t really know a lot.
…things don’t work out if you try too hard
…people can only do what they can do
…it is important to know when to say the right thing and when not to say anything.

By Frei Betto
…There is no salvation other than love

By Michael Radford
…When one is young, life is full of infinite possibilities. You can imagine yourself as different things. You continue to do that until one day, you wake up and you say “Oh my God, I am a teacher, this is my life, this is the one I have chosen.

By Farah Pahlavi
…I have learned not to feel sorry for myself. Life is a struggle for everybody.

By Alfredo Guevara
…Life has taught me that it is very hard, sometimes tragic, but that is worth living.

By Mangosuthis Buthelezi
…The journey on this Erath in life is a mixture of sweet and bitter, and that we also suffer…

By Peter Ustinor
…Life has taught me that it’s a wonderful adventure

By Ed Begley Jr.
…Life’s taught me to live simply

By Sharon Stone
…Life teaches you to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again…

By Filipina Santos
Life surprises me every single day. It’s too much for me to comprehend in one lifetime, but so far these are the things I have learned for 22 years…

To have faith… Faith to God makes impossible things possible. I don’t think I can survive all the hardships without His love and guidance whether I ask it from Him or not. He knows. As long as I have his protection, this life is manageable.

To welcome change… Change is constant and nothing is constant. Living things grow and develop. Places will not be the same in few years. People who used to be important may not be important in the future. People change and the way you treat life is changing as well.And that’s a good thing because… life has taught me…

To never give up trying…. So I made a mistake, I made a wrong decision, so what? It’s not the end of the world. There are inestimable chances out there, so much time to be spent with whining and depression. If I failed once, it doesn’t mean I will be a failure forever. Remember, change is constant.

To recognize what I feel….This makes me sane. If I am happy I am happy. And if I am lonely, I identify the feeling, I cry and cry until I get tired. It makes a hell of difference. We have different ways of doing this, and it doesn’t matter as long as you let it out.

To be glad because I am so blessed …I wasn’t blessed with a complete family, but my mom and brother do fill out the pieces of the puzzle for me. I am proud to say that I never thought of rebelling because I know it’s just a waste of time and I have so many things to enjoy. Things that God has given me, friends, my talents, material and immaterial things around me. The mere fact that I am still enjoying life is a blessing, everything in me is a blessing.

To dream big… Before I imagined myself to be a lawyer like my dad, to be a beauty queen. Now I want to be a doctor, to be a successful businesswoman, to own an orphanage and be a UNICEF volunteer or WHO doctor who would go to Africa and different poor countries in the world. I wouldn’t mind if I can only achieve one of them. Not bad!

To be a social being… I was a self-confessed introvert. But when I felt that it’s lonely to be just on your own. I tried to find ways to connect with others. And it works! Through the process of socializing, I am learning as well. How to adjust to different kinds of people, I know to whom I will invest myself emotionally and to appreciate their differences.

To be in love with myself… People can’t love me fully if I don’t know how to love my own self to begin with, to accept my imperfection and to be proud of what I own. Once I am done with that, it’s much easier to love others.

To trust Him that my life will be better… I look forward to my future with optimism because I know He will never give up on me and that eventually all things will be ok. That one day, I will face Him and tell him proudly that I lived a great life because I lives it with Him.

I can't predict how will i feel the next day... i wish i could.. para happy, inspired and contented everyday.... Sana may magic akong ganun...

what i love about holidays is that i am able to have time...to sleep, to do nothing, to clear up my mind from anything, to just be silent, have a peace of mind and be "senti" once in a while.

God's just like radio waves, He is all over the place, it depends on you whether you will tune in to Him or not, but He's just around........that's for sure....

people always leave

Last night, I found out that one of my best friends has plans of leaving the country before the year ends. I never expected that, well she told me about it few months back but never imagined this to be imminent.

I hate the idea that people always leave.

I know she has her personal reasons and it is for her own growth. I am proud of her for taking this bold step. Better opportunities are waiting for her for sure. I just pray that everything will be okay.

I will surely miss her…

the "kalbo guy"

Almost all of my close friends know that I really have something with “kalbo” guys. I don’t know but it’s really a turn on for me.

Part one: the set-up

More or less six months ago, my boss then in Alabang was trying to set me up with her former student who is kalbo and single. He just came back after years of studying. I was excited with the thought that if this would happen, it’s gonna be my first ever real date (yah..yah..i’m a late bloomer with this matter..though I’m proud of it rather than ashamed). Anyways, to make the long story short, the set-up date never happened. I was disappointed in a way, but I knew he had his reasons.

part two: meeting him

After more or less six months, I finally met this “kalbo” guy, who turned out as a cutie J. There was this dinner held by the school, where he is one of the board members. The boss was reminded again about this planned set-up through a friend of mine (thanks to leslee….i hate you for doing this..but I love that you did!). We were introduced but I couldn’t look at his face and just ended up saying hi in the air. I was too bashful about it and I regret it, I swear. But honestly, if that scene would happen again, I’d probably do the same thing, because that is just like me.

I went home that day so kilig….

The next day, he showed up again in the hotel where the conference hosted by the school was being held. He went to the same room where I was because his friend was about to give a speech. I knew it was him and that perked up my mood and made my day lovelier. Still, I didn’t dare to look at his face for even one second, because I really couldn’t. I didn’t want him to get this impression about me that I was flirting with him, though that was my intention (hehe).

After the second day of the conference, most of the people were waiting outside for whatever reasons they had. And he was there too talking to teachers and other friends. I just love the idea that he was just around and I could have a reflection of his profile. Ofcourse, I was kilig again.. but that was just it…hanggang sulyap and being kilig…

Part three: the sad part, good lunch and Tken

Before the part three happened, I was informed that “kalbo” guy has a crush on somebody, whom I don’t know who that person is, and that brakes my heart.haay...

The conference was finally over, and in fair ness very successfully done (congrats Wodlab!!!). We decided to have lunch with this boss that we truly, really miss so much! It was a good lunch, we had good food, good talk, about us, our kids, the conference. Oh I miss Tken again….haaay…

After an hour or so, few more bosses came and joined us. One of which was also the former teacher of this “kalbo” guy. We were talking and talking and then somebody just told the whole world that I have a crush on this guy. I must have felt embarrassed, normally I would, but I did not because it is true. No reason to deny it.

Part four: The dilemma

Here’s the thing, I really want to know this guy because I am attracted to him, but I don’t know how. I am too cowardly to do anything to get in touch with him. I just can’t do the first move, that’s it. I really wish I could.

There is something in me that tells me, why not take this chance. I am afraid that I’d be disappointed and be hurt again, so I choose to play safe.

If nothing happens in the next few weeks or months, maybe that’s the answer I am waiting. That this chance isn’t really for me, that this story won’t have another chapter.