decisions made

These past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot about some matters.

First, did I make the right decision to let us be “normal friends” again like we used to? I know once I over stepped, things would not be the same. And I am sticking to my decision just to let it go because I stand in what I believe in. When it comes to God, anything becomes non- negotiable. I am happy because I know my Daddy Jess has better plans for me. He will come, in time. And when that time comes, I’ll be one of the happiest ladies in the world. We will grow together in faith.

Secondly, my friend Mike is still in the hospital, fighting his cancer. He had gone to ICU and operation to take out the fluids in his body. We know that he will overcome this trial. He is a living testimony that God really works in mysterious ways and there are really miracles in life. He is a survivor, we are with him in this battle, I am with him. When I pray for him, I can’t help but to cry a lot. I want him to survive this. We still have so many plans once he get out of the hospital and things become as they used to be. I keep on telling him that I am so excited to see him out and healthy again because it will be another life, a renewed life for him. I know Mike will come out as a better man. God is merciful, nothing is impossible to Him and we claim that Mike will be healed. I love you Mike. We all love you sooooo much!!!!! I wish I can spend more time with you in the hospital but I will never stop praying for you, together with our block mates. God is good. Life is beautiful. You keep on thanking us and telling us how happy you are because we are with you. But it is us that are so proud of you, your heart and faith that keep on giving you strength. We love you Mike!

Third, I know it would come to this point that I would regret or maybe feel sad at least about the things, feelings and people I let go in the past. When I heard that he’s back with her, I think, I was kind of asking myself, why am I affected? Well…. It happened already, I can’t do anything about it anymore. Thank God I am happy.

Goodbye for now, Ketsy... see you again... I am going to miss you a LOT!!!

She’s been a constant companion to me, in school and more in community. When I found out that she’s going to teach abroad, several things went off in my mind. Questions like, who will I seek advice from regarding my personal problems? Who will persevere to invite me to attend the prayer meetings on Friday nights, whenever I feel so lazy and tempted to go out with friends instead of going to the community? Who will cheer me up when I find myself crying all the time? She’s been the sister that I never had… So knowing that she’ll be going, it’s kind of tearing a piece of what I have become because of her. I fear that I would go back to who I was before I met her. The Phnas that was so introvert, so self- centered, a cry baby, and easily depressed. Things might become haywire again.

Tomorrow, she’s gonna leave for States. I spent the last two days with her. I chose to sleep over in her place than going to my Saturday classes. Yesterday, we had a picnic with her. I told her, it’s not her parting that brings me down because I know she’ll always be there for me no matter what. It’s more of being so scared what would happen to me when she’s not physically beside me.

I know that this might just be a test from God, whether if I will make it on my own. I hope I will not fail Him.

It’s true pala na when someone goes, someone comes…again.. Yesterday, I got a surprised call from Keita’s aunt and she told me that Keita didn’t leave the country because his visa wasn’t approved. And I was able to talk to him! Imagine that! And I might just be counting few more days before I get to see him again!...Haaay… God is Great! As always!

Lately
By: Phnas
Finished on July 7, 2008


Lately, life’s not easy between you and me
Lately, I got lost, chose the wrong path almost
I needed time, wanted to do some things
Trying to get away from regularity
I was happy outside, I know I was
Trying out what it’s like without you by my side

But the feeling didn’t last
I’ve realized, I really need you in my life

CHORUS:

Another chance is all I’m asking
Please make myself complete again
Bring me to life, bring back the pain
But this time, I am sure I can make it through
Because you are with me

Lately I was broken, but now I am whole again
Because you are here.
Because you love me.