what i love about holidays is that i am able to have time...to sleep, to do nothing, to clear up my mind from anything, to just be silent, have a peace of mind and be "senti" once in a while.

God's just like radio waves, He is all over the place, it depends on you whether you will tune in to Him or not, but He's just around........that's for sure....

people always leave

Last night, I found out that one of my best friends has plans of leaving the country before the year ends. I never expected that, well she told me about it few months back but never imagined this to be imminent.

I hate the idea that people always leave.

I know she has her personal reasons and it is for her own growth. I am proud of her for taking this bold step. Better opportunities are waiting for her for sure. I just pray that everything will be okay.

I will surely miss her…

the "kalbo guy"

Almost all of my close friends know that I really have something with “kalbo” guys. I don’t know but it’s really a turn on for me.

Part one: the set-up

More or less six months ago, my boss then in Alabang was trying to set me up with her former student who is kalbo and single. He just came back after years of studying. I was excited with the thought that if this would happen, it’s gonna be my first ever real date (yah..yah..i’m a late bloomer with this matter..though I’m proud of it rather than ashamed). Anyways, to make the long story short, the set-up date never happened. I was disappointed in a way, but I knew he had his reasons.

part two: meeting him

After more or less six months, I finally met this “kalbo” guy, who turned out as a cutie J. There was this dinner held by the school, where he is one of the board members. The boss was reminded again about this planned set-up through a friend of mine (thanks to leslee….i hate you for doing this..but I love that you did!). We were introduced but I couldn’t look at his face and just ended up saying hi in the air. I was too bashful about it and I regret it, I swear. But honestly, if that scene would happen again, I’d probably do the same thing, because that is just like me.

I went home that day so kilig….

The next day, he showed up again in the hotel where the conference hosted by the school was being held. He went to the same room where I was because his friend was about to give a speech. I knew it was him and that perked up my mood and made my day lovelier. Still, I didn’t dare to look at his face for even one second, because I really couldn’t. I didn’t want him to get this impression about me that I was flirting with him, though that was my intention (hehe).

After the second day of the conference, most of the people were waiting outside for whatever reasons they had. And he was there too talking to teachers and other friends. I just love the idea that he was just around and I could have a reflection of his profile. Ofcourse, I was kilig again.. but that was just it…hanggang sulyap and being kilig…

Part three: the sad part, good lunch and Tken

Before the part three happened, I was informed that “kalbo” guy has a crush on somebody, whom I don’t know who that person is, and that brakes my heart.haay...

The conference was finally over, and in fair ness very successfully done (congrats Wodlab!!!). We decided to have lunch with this boss that we truly, really miss so much! It was a good lunch, we had good food, good talk, about us, our kids, the conference. Oh I miss Tken again….haaay…

After an hour or so, few more bosses came and joined us. One of which was also the former teacher of this “kalbo” guy. We were talking and talking and then somebody just told the whole world that I have a crush on this guy. I must have felt embarrassed, normally I would, but I did not because it is true. No reason to deny it.

Part four: The dilemma

Here’s the thing, I really want to know this guy because I am attracted to him, but I don’t know how. I am too cowardly to do anything to get in touch with him. I just can’t do the first move, that’s it. I really wish I could.

There is something in me that tells me, why not take this chance. I am afraid that I’d be disappointed and be hurt again, so I choose to play safe.

If nothing happens in the next few weeks or months, maybe that’s the answer I am waiting. That this chance isn’t really for me, that this story won’t have another chapter.

playing with the rules is fair enough for me

More or less five years from now, I want to be a wife, a happily married wife. I kinda picture myself, how would I be like when that time comes. It’s amazing because I know I will be a good one, that one I am quite sure.

But who’s gonna be my husband, is a different thing. The status could be like…am still waiting.

I’ve met a few guys whom I prayed and dreamed to be that guy I can be with for the rest of my life, but so far, not so good. They just come and go, which really makes me sad and think twice what could be wrong. I try to figure it out, the reasons why it never came to a point that it was mutual or serious enough to be called a relationship. It’s either they are not available, good for just pakiramdaman or too immature to be in a relationship. It’s always me investing the feeling, but they’re the one who profit from it. Now let’s talk about unfairness!

The thing is, I’m too conservative when it comes to this kind of thing. I am not a fan of flings (no offense…), but I just don’t believe in that. If I would be with someone, for sure it’ll last.

I never learned my lesson though, so many times it happened, just the same story, me falling in, hurting for a long time, falling out with a broken heart. I am just too stubborn and unaware of the rules of this game. The thing is I stick with the rules.

I may not be gaining anything from this, but playing it fairly is a reason enough for me to believe that one day, I’ll be meeting my prince charming.

This week was pretty ingenious indeed because I was able to write few songs that usually takes weeks to be done. Maybe I was inspired, oh right… let me rephrase that one, maybe I was too emotional.

My dream is that one day, these words will be sung with a melody, I am not yet sure who will do it for me.

I Don’t Wanna Be a Stranger
Oct. 19, 2007
by: phnas

How would you feel when one day you’d wake up
Like everything’s different and astray
The brightness of days is hiding
All things make you feel afraid

I don’t wanna be a stranger
To my world that gives me comfort
To the people I love and care for
I don’t wanna be a stranger
To the places where I’ve been
To me, the self that I know

I wanna see who I really am
No more lies and pretensions
No more wanna be somebody else

I wanna be the person
Who’s sure of what she wants
Who’ll accept who she really am

It’s never too late
To start to know who you are
Saying goodbye to the stranger
Will make you a better star
That will shine amongst the rest
Amongst everything you believed were the best

Everyday is a Different Day
October 22, 2007
by: phnas

Another day
Another story
Another chapter to be unfolded

Don’t be afraid
To face this day
Good things are on the way

CHORUS:

Everyday is a different day
With new chances to take
Don’t worry it’s never too late
To fix all your mistakes
Everyday is a different day
No time to bring back the past
Move on, it’ll lighten up your path
And be where you should at

Take risks once in a while
Don’t think twice to try your luck
Maybe this time is a different kind
Of day…… a better…a luckier…and a different day

Another day
Another story
Another chapter to be unfolded

Dream My Dreams
October 27, 2007
by: phnas

I spent my nights dreaming
About the things I would want to happen between you and me
I don’t wanna open my eyes so I could see you still
But forever can’t be like that

CHORUS:

I wanna wake up
Face the sunlight
Believe the truth that you can’t be mine
It’s painful to imagine the things that will remain as dreams
I wish I could change what’s meant for me

I know this would fade away, just fade away
Things are not real
Dreams never gonna come true
But my heart is with you all the time
Strong faith that soon I am gonna be in your mind too
Dreaming the same dreams I used to

I pray someone would hear me
Make me stop for a while and believe the reality
That not all dreams can come true
No matter how badly we want them too