want vs need

It’s my prayer to decipher where I should be heading in a year time. I want to go to med school very much but I need to work and help support my family as well. It’s hard to be in between, really hard! Time is ticking and soon I am afraid that one day, it‘s times up and I need to choose and decide, no turning back and leave it for tomorrow kind of thing.

But more or less, I think God is making His way to let me get and accept the message and his plan for me. The parents I am working with never fail to let me know that I am really helping their kids and that their kids love me. I never had a troubled relationship in any of my students, though lots of rough times if I may say. I treat them as my siblings and as my babies, to be honest! It’s been a very wonderful journey with them. I will not trade this experience of a life time for any material things in this world!

What I think is that God wants me to make a difference by teaching and taking care of these amazing kids with special needs. This insight, which I am trying to disallow and not to let enter my mind is getting more realistic each day, which is really scary for me! Daddy Jess is showering me with offers to teach and handle kids, that these parents are actually, as I may quote “ giving a punch on me” to try to help their kids even if my training and education to begin with is not directly related to special education. It is just so faltering to hear that and to know that I am helping to make these kids’ lives better.

To be honest, I still don’t know, it is just I can’t see myself as a teacher for the rest of my life. Well, I could continue but this should not be the only thing I’d be doing in the future. Maybe, I will go to school and then teach a few kids. I have so many plans, so many things and possibilities to explore. I don’t know, I don’t want to think about it anymore but I can’t help it but to think about it. Oh I hate myself!

With all these things happening, I’ve just realized, I must be doing something right.