I always say I am ready for change…to be open for new things. But living up with change is really huge for me. Changing even the smallest thing, simplest habit or attitude towards something is like taking a very big risk. Doing things I am not used to, not doing the normal stuff, being bold not following what’s imperative and hoping for what’s ideal. Gosh! I just hate me! Really! I’m scared what could happen if I can’t do it, if I made the wrong decision in changing one part of me and end up being unhappy. That idea scares the hell out of me! This is unbelievable and unacceptable! I know I am the one whose making my life complicated…All I want is to live simply…but that philosophy of mine makes everything else dense…

My girl best friend, Nica always tells me, that conditioning myself in welcoming new chapters in my life and preparing myself for it isn’t enough, that I need to do something about it. Gosh! I know that…but I just can’t set my one foot forward… and start.

I pray for myself, I pray for this, I pray that God, that Daddy Jess will teach me to grow up and be open to better perspectives and not be afraid to try, commit and fail.